This was another project in my Photo-shop class. The Theme was Patriotism, and while everyone else was making collages of war and soldiers I couldn’t get this image of Lil Jon out of my head.
So instead of fighting it I just went with it.
I was able to get away with it by telling my teacher that he was a founding father of a movement in Music.
I’m in this awesome Digital Media class and our first assignment was to make a collage with 5 images and one text.
Trust me, making myself into a giant statue was the logical choice.
I wasn’t sure whither people would get the planet of the Apes reference or not, and so I tried to make the obligatory images as subtle as possible so they would focus on the scene first, but then I totally spaced adding the text until 5 minutes before we had to hand it in, and so I wrote the first think that came to mind.
That Zeppelin Rulz!
I finally figured out what I’m going to call my dog whenever I achieve the necessary time and money to create a decent life for said dog.
Socrates, but I’ll call him So-crates like in Bill and Ted’s excellent adventure.
I like the idea of giving an animal of pure emotion the name of a great philosopher.
I’m taking a break from my dull existence of frozen entree’s, half-watched law and order episodes, and writing scripts for Saved by the Bell so that the series will never end. In so doing I have decided to explore the realm of stories from my own non-offensive existence.
My current employment is that of helping young kids through a difficult part of life by taking them out on small adventures once a week.
It’s a great job that I don’t wish on anyone.
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After one of those long days of adventuring, one of the guys was noticeably feeling down. The problem is that I’m not a therapist, I have no training in this area. I’m just the guy that pays for food and activities, and yelps at them with his dads voice if they get out of line, and I am fine with that. I knew he was feeling down because he came in last at bowling, and was sinking back into himself as a kind of defense mechanism. So, with a groan, I tried to interact with him…
Hey bud, you feeling OK…?
No response…
Your free ice cream is melting chief, you doing alright?
No response…
Look amigo, I know your feeling down about the game, usually the bumpers are our friends?
No response…
Well Champ, let me tell you a little something, there is always going to be another mountain, your always gonna wanna make it move. It’s always going to be an uphill battle, but sometimes your gonna have to lose. It’s not about how fast you get there, it’s not about what’s on the other side…its the climb.
The kid lifted his head thinking about what I had just said
Then one of the kids in the back with chocolate ice-cream all over his mouth said with a slight lisp and great discovery, “That’s a Hannah Montana song?”
“Is it?”, I said
With that all the kids broke into laughter and slowly the one kid picked up his ice-cream.
Some people gleam gems of wisdom from war stories, or philosophers.
I’m stuck listening to top 40 songs.
Simple facts to help you to get to know the real me in no particular order:
Eagle Scout – helped organize a new inner-city merit badge where you learned all the gang names, culture, and how to survive. Much more helpful than wood-carving.
University Education – Most of it was what I learned from the Universe, but I did sit in a classroom for four years.
Continuing University Education – you never stop learning, please make it stop.
Recently Fixed Bathroom Toilet – I capitalized the first letters, because it was Epic!
Works with troubled youth – handled more tantrums, and hissy fits than I care to talk about.
Volunteered years of time and money for less fortunate in Southern America – I went down there to help them, but it turned out I was the less fortunate, until I learned… SALSA!
High School Valedictorian, Homecoming King, and Quarterback – Sure it was a prison school, but I still earned those.
Spanish Speaker – When we go to Taco Bell you’ll want me by your side to translate, it gets kinda tricky for gringos.
Technologically Savvy - Spent years in Computer Support, before I realized that it was killing me from the inside. What this means for you? you’ll never have to worry about a printer or computer error again.
Male Model – It’s not what you think, I’m just there to make the other models look better. I’m surprised how effective I am at this.
Excellent listener – You can tell me your sad stories but in my left ear, my right ear is always for vigilance of danger, it’s a guy thing ask anyone of us.
No baggage – I’m friends with all the women whose hearts I’ve crushed, and vise a versa.
and many, many more reasons…
As a pacifist, I was extremely taken aback when my name showed up as first place on the leader board at Laser Quest. I had entered only to accompany the youth group that I lead, but when I was in there something happened… it wasn’t so much that something snapped, but that something turned on, something that had laid dormant for millennia, and it was like I was outside of myself watching in awe at what I had become.
Laser beams moved past my head in slow motion, techno music crawled to the sound of silence. I was neither here nor there, every movement, every breath, was used to take down my enemies in a fluid dance of destruction, I… had become death.
As I read the leader board, I hung my head in shame, that I had betrayed my values so easily, that war had dissolved a wall that held back a part of me I never knew existed.
The warrior within…
Of course the fact that It was against little girls, and the fact that I barely won, will never factor into that awesome, awesome moment.
You are what you eat! and if this cannibalistic insight has anything to say about it, I’m made of Dr.Pepper and Ramen Noodle.
Chicken flavor if that makes a difference…probably not…
If we were to analogize fuel grades with grades of nutrient foods that enter our system, then I would have to say that I have no idea what premium tastes like.
I’ve always imagined it tasting like foie gras, and caviar mixed with cheetos.
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I’m just wondering how much more energy my body will have if I start to do the following steps:
1.Drink the correct amount of water that my body needs, your body expends most of its energy producing water. (If only I had some kind of robotic overlord to tell me if I was drinking enough?)
http://www.hydracoach.com/applications/index.html
The future is now
2. Juice! I’m still doing the math to see if steroids or carrot juice is the best term to go here. I got a buddy at work that swears by his juicer. It’s kinda hard to say he’s full of it when he’s about 60 and has more energy than a 3 year old on a pixie high. Evidently you only get 1 percent of the enzymes when you just eat a carrot, but if you juice it, you get a 100% of the enzymes.
Yeah, I didn’t understand that until I saw this…
http://www.powerjuicer.com/power-juicer-deluxe.html
I never thought I would be that guy?
3. Exercise, I will only walk if I absolutely have to. My plan is to have my brother drop me off two miles from our place, and that will force me to exercise more. I just wish he didn’t do that maniacal laugh every-time he speeds away.
I have a dog whitle on my Iphone, but if that doesn’t work I want this:
http://www.gooddeals.com/products/7/Dazer-Ultrasonic-Dog-Deterrent.aspx
or something close to it.
I’ll let you know how it goes, if at all.
Two words that I wish never to hear together again: Thanksgiving and buffet.
For the first time since my travels abroad, I have found myself unable to attend Thanksgiving with my family. I was not there this year to lie to my nieces about how this particular turkey actually volunteered to be apart of our Thanksgiving meal, or to feel how nice it is to be surrounded by people that remember emphatically how terrible you looked during your awkward stage that lasted all through middle and past high school.
(Why did no one tell me I had bangs?)
But more than that, it’s the ability to eat a huge meal well beyond the tolerances of comfortableness and then crash on the nearest soft spot for a long nap, where you can finally let all your guards down and really rest; because, you’re finally in a place where you have more dirt on them than they have on you.
Awe, Home!
Luckily, my brother joined me this year, and after webcaming it up with the family, where we all gave thanks that we were not Brittany Spears, we begrudgingly ended the video session. We then made our way to the Park City soup kitchen where I explained to my brother how we would spend the next 6 hours holding the homeless in our arms and spoon feeding them a milkshake of thanksgiving left overs. I would then rock them to sleep as my brother would sing in his high falsetto voice an old irish song of drifting and pan handling in heaven.
No judgement was passed, nor word said, as we passed by the soup kitchen with a shiver down our spines…(maybe christmas).
With our Thanksgiving day suddenly open we decided to do Thanksgiving right, and that means tacos! (that’s not what it means, but the first thing that came to mind) What it actually means is having others cook for you and not having to do any clean up (behold, the new tradition).
The one small draw back is that there is no medical ward attached to the restaurant where you can sleep off the three plates of stuffing that you had (delicious).
I soon found this to be a bigger drawback than previously thought as I suddenly found that eating 3/4 of your weight in turkey exceedingly impairs your driving skills. (It’s the closest I’ve ever been to being intoxicated)
The only other drawback is that there was no to-go box, which meant no left overs, which meant a small part of me died inside.
I don’t think I’ll be missing another Thanksgiving, and I’m thankful that I’m not Brittany Spears. Amen.
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iphone odyssey
A proud day for nerd kind, and consumerism.
My body looks disproportionate here, but in a good way
Takes a damn sensitive man to take a picture of a sunset.
lesson in lines and forms
The kids said this looked like a heart, I kept my pac-man thoughts to myself
Jawas at sunset
What did they do before Lasers?
Coldplay 2008 (the U2 of our generation)
What is a guys perfect date? a girls perfect date is simple, you kill a wild boar in front of her and then argue how many cows she is worth with her father; easy, simple, done.
But the question remains, what is a guys perfect date? Do we want romance, maybe a little danger, or do we just want to have a nice quiet evening in?
These are the questions that women should debate in congress! not water rights or education bills, but how to please their men to the tenth power.
Yeah!
Do men like flowers? maybe.
Do guys like chocolates? Hard to say…
Do men like poetry? who doesn’t.
Ladies, it’s not that complicated, sure we can be happy and mad at the same time, say yes and no when speaking of something and mean both, so, for the uninitiated a few ground rules:
1. We don’t want to get dressed up: If we just got done digging a ditch we want to go out in the same outfit. You see, a ditch digging outfit has been meticulously put together for comfort, fashion, durability and finally synced to our own personal color scheme. It intentionally limits where we can and cannot go. So that means no opera or ballet. (maybe next time Pavoratii)
2. Feed us: (this one is a freebie.) Were kinda like dogs in this respect. Feed us and we’ll never go away. Just make sure to but some eggshells in the food so that our coats are nice and shiny.
3. Monster Trucks: the reaction that you will get when you present us the tickets? Do you know me at all? They’re cliche and in fact a little bit insulting; look deeper.
4. If we go out to a restaurant there must be a TV with in viewing distance, and we need you to speak to us on our left side. It’s science, with you on our left and the game on our right we can make out the code through the chatter (it’s how we beat the russians).
5. Use star wars quotes: this makes no sense to you, but I almost proposed (twice) on the spot to girls that used them with perfect timing.
So, cook for us, watch TV with us, and make us laugh; easy, simple, done.